Why I Chose Home Birth

Why I Chose Home Birth

I. The Lead Up

When I shared with my family that I was going to have a home birth they were critical of my decision. I got concerning responses such as: a loved one saying “it’s dangerous” or a grandparent yelling at me to “just go to the hospital” to another loved one sharing that the pain endured from birth was unnecessary. Some of these allegations were harsh. None of them had had a home birth, but they didn’t hesitate to push the narrative that hospital births are safer and easier. Luckily, I had several home birth advocates including my dad and husband. 

I discovered then that home births are polarizing. People usually fall into a few camps. Either they believe home birth is dangerous, they wish they could have had a home birth or they acknowledge the courage it takes but have no desire to take that path. I’d only met two people thus far who had gone through the experience—my stepmom Elizabeth and good friend Tiff. Both had positive stories to share. 

After hearing my family's reaction to a natural home birth I started to doubt my decision. My mind swirled with catastrophizing thoughts. I recalled the movie “Pieces of Women” with Shia LaBeouf, that portrays a home birth gone wrong. I called up my friend Tiff to share what happened and get some personal insights from someone who had gone through the experience. Come to find out, she had a similar encounter. Her family didn’t understand why she wanted to have a home birth and believed it was an outdated, barbaric practice that hippies are into. Tiff shared the statistics with her family:data shows that you are less likely (not more) to have a C-section or die during labor with a home birth. Throughout my pregnancy and after birth, Tiff was my go-to person for tips and advice. 

My stepmom Elizabeth was influential in my life. Cancer took her too soon but she made a lasting impression. She taught me how to live a healthy lifestyle: to pay attention to the ingredients in my food, the benefits of buying local, and how to find alternative products with fewer toxic chemicals. Elizabeth had two children—the first in a hospital and the second at home with no medical intervention. My dad remembers both experiences vividly and the stark contrast between the two (more to come on this later!). 

My dad shared birthing tips with me that were handed down from his Algerian mother: not bathing the baby for several days after birth to maintain the vernix coating and waiting to cut the umbilical cord until the baby gained color. I shared this information with my midwife, the medical professional who oversees the pregnancy, delivers the baby, and provides postpartum care. 

Choosing a midwife was straightforward. I sought recommendations from people I knew locally, interviewed several midwives and ultimately chose Dania, whose warm, jovial demeanor and decades of experience made me feel comfortable and confident. Dania has attended hundreds of births and has five children of her own, four of them born at home.

Dania taught me  that midwives are “experts in normal.” The moment something deviates from the ordinary, midwives will suggest a visit with the proper medical professional. At my regular check ups Dania would run urinalysis tests, read my blood pressure, check the baby's heart rate, prescribe ultrasounds, and answer all of our questions. 

I.a. Home Birth vs. Hospital Birth

Throughout the whole process, I learned a lot about the difference between home birth and hospital birth from books, Dania and friends. What became clear quickly, is that this tends to drive up people’s ethics, values and the need for security and safety. Whether it's a home birth or hospital birth, both desire a similar outcome: for the baby and mother to confidently go through the birth experience with ease and minimal discomfort.

Hospital births emphasize safety above all else treating birth as a medical procedure. This process is optimized for safety, expediency and comfort. Painkillers, such as epidurals, are often administered to manage the pain during labor. Inducing birth with a hormone drip is common to speed up the birthing process. When an expecting mother arrives to the hospital, she is hooked up to medical equipment that monitors her vitals. Nurses, doctors, anesthesiologists, and other practitioners come and go to check on the heart rate, cervical dilation, and comfort level. Medical emergencies, such as hemorrhaging or the baby getting stuck in the canal, can quickly be resolved. 

The argument for home birth is that birth is not a medical procedure and most people don’t need intervention; the body already knows what to do. Home births are more balanced with little compromise on safety because midwives know when to escalate an abnormal condition. This process optimizes the family's experience. Being in the comfort of your own home provides a calm, soothing environment that eases the birthing process and produces a speedier recovery.  The birth team comes to you and the mother is free to move throughout the house and in various positions to make the birthing process more comfortable. All the while the hospital is on standby in the event anything goes wrong.

I believe that childbearing is a natural process that doesn’t require medical intervention most of the time. I think home births are safe, effective and work in harmony with the women’s body. [1] [2] [3]

I’m grateful I had choices when it came to delivering —- not all of us do! Birth is one of the most intimate, vulnerable and intense moments in a woman's life. Choose a team of practitioners that makes you comfortable and confident, whether it’s at a hospital or at home.. 

II. Josie’s Birth Story

My birth team consisted of Dania, Shea, Dania’s apprentice Jennifer, and Josh. While Dania and I had seen each other regularly at our monthly check-ins to see the baby's progress, I’d hired Shea, a trained Doula, for extra emotional support for Josh and myself. Doulas attend to the mother, whereas midwives attend to the baby. Shea provides parents with a comfortable birth experience. She is trained in massage, different laboring positions and tools to use to get through each contraction when a woman feels like they cannot continue. Shea had a calm, grounding presence that I was attracted to. Leading up to birth she provided guidance on how the birthing process would go and exercises to support me through the pain. She was the first person I called when I went into labor.  

I started having more intense, irregular contractions the whole day prior to birth, and checked in with Dania, who assured me this is common. I didn’t think the baby was coming yet, so I continued working. On Zoom calls I’d turn off my camera each time a contraction would hit to hide my facial expression of pain. My colleagues were concerned, but I reassured them I was ok. I got through the rest of the day, but as the evening rolled in, the pain became unbearable. That’s where Shea comes into the picture—and where the rest of my home birthing team began to trickle in according to plan. 

I called Shea at 10pm and asked her to come over. I was relieved when she arrived. She asked me about the time between and thought we were getting close! She had me lay down on my side and guided me through exercises that would alleviate the discomfort. As she pushed down on my hips, my water broke suddenly and I panicked as I felt water stream down my thigh and leg. At that moment, it dawned on me that the baby was coming sooner rather than later. Shea calmed me down and instructed me to call Dania and start a bath. 

The hot water from the bath soothed the cramps and relieved some of the tension. I alternated between holding Shea and Josh’s hand as the waves of contractions continued to get stronger and more regular. Dania arrived and checked my blood pressure. She instructed me to continue relaxing while she prepped the remaining things needed for birth. I felt taken care of, held, and safe now that my team had arrived. 

At some point I felt the urge to push. I moved out of the bath, which was no longer comfortable, and into our bed. I flowed between different positions, from my back to all fours to my side. I loved the freedom of being able to shift between different positions as my body desired. Our bed was big and sturdy and our room spacious enough to comfortably fit everyone. Enya played in the background — a playlist I had chosen for the occasion—as I drifted in and out of contractions. I trusted my body and the process. 

Josh and Shea coached me through each push. Meanwhile, Dania and her apprentice checked on the baby’s heart rate and the dilation of my cervix. Dania assured me that everything I was experiencing was normal. I pushed and pushed, screaming, grunting and made a variety of sounds that I’d never made before. After each push I felt exhausted. The pauses between contractions gave me just enough time to recoup and for Dania to coach me through the next one.

The crown of the head began to appear and Dania encouraged me to touch it. I was resistant. I was so focused on pushing and getting the baby out that I wanted to just keep going. Josh touched the crown and urged me to do the same. He took my hand and placed it on the baby's head, which provided me with the motivation to give the last few pushes my all. I breathed heavily with a sigh of relief that it was almost over. I was in a trance.

The last few pushes were enough for Dania to pull the baby out safely and gently. She placed them on my belly and our eyes met for the first time. I brought my baby closer to my chest in AWE. Dania opened the baby's legs carefully to find out the sex — it was a girl! She was tiny, adorable, and perfect. 

I pushed out the placenta and Josh (eventually) cut the umbilical cord. The team cleaned around me while making sure I was hydrated, fed, and comfortable. Dania encouraged me to take a shower, but I was so fatigued that I almost passed out. I returned to bed where they left our newly formed family alone for the first time. Josh and I stared at Josie in amazement of what had just happened. Our lives were changed from that moment on.

Dania gave us simple directions for the day: rest, stay hydrated, eat, and feed the baby. She would be back the next day to check on us. 

What happened next was simultaneously difficult and yet incredibly beautiful and would shake me to the core of my being.

III. The Weeks to Follow

The beginning of motherhood is tough. You have no idea what you are doing and can’t tell if things are going great or terribly wrong. 

Dania came to our home on day one, three, seven and every two weeks after that. Dania’s postpartum visits were just as pleasant as the ones prior. She would check on the baby's physical health and how I was healing. We would chat for an hour, she reassured me that everything was going great, and helped alleviate my anxieties of being a new mother.

Dania did all of the necessary paperwork required for Josie’s birth certificate. She also conducted the newborn screening test at home. As things popped up here and there, Dania was always a text away and willing to come over to help if needed. I loved having access to a professional who had gotten to know us intimately over the past year. 

Dania left everything at choice for us including if I wanted to give the baby any type of typical medication or vaccine. Nothing was pushed on me but suggestions were provided with an explanation. I didn’t feel left in the dark about my choices or cornered into doing something just because it was the norm.

Shea came over for postpartum care as well. She helped me process the birth and shared details of how it went that I had forgotten. It was nice to hear her side of the story from an outside perspective. She also encapsulated my placenta: a process where a whole placenta is turning into pills. I took several pills daily for the next few months. Placenta pills are said to have a variety of health benefits such as increased energy, better mood and less fatigue. I can vouch for that! I enjoyed many sitz baths, a type of therapy where you sit in warm shallow water to help soothe pain in the lower part of the body. Shea and Dania provided helpful postpartum recovery tips that got me back on my feet with ease. 

Having had two children herself, Shea knew what I was experiencing as a new mother and normalized the ups and downs. The lack of sleep, the responsibility of having to watch a baby 24/7 and having all my routines abandoned left me a little shaken. Shea assured me that things would smooth out and encouraged me to enjoy the slowness in the days to come. 

I soaked in the experience of motherhood on my maternity leave. Although it didn’t feel like a vacation, I was thankful to not have to adhere to a schedule. I was on baby time which included a lot of feeding, sleeping and changing diapers. 

Birthing a child at home ignited a sense of inner pride. Not the arrogant conceited kind, but the kind where you cultivate a deep sense of trust within yourself. I found more energy to push, more strength to endure pain, and I completely let go of control during the birthing process. I gave more than I thought I had. The experience helped me to build fortitude that got me through the ups and downs of being a new mother. Birthing is the right of passage to parenthood. 

I often get asked if I would do another home birth and my answer is always YES!